Only wishes that won't come true.

I wish that person knows my feelings towards him.

I wish he would catch me when i fall for him.

I wish he looks at me even for a minute.

I wish his charming smile was only for me.

I wish i know what's written in his heart.

I wish i would be there when he needs someone.

I also wish he would be here when i need someone.

Those were only wishes that will never come true.

I met a star.

There's this one boy.

He is like a star for her.

He's warm and bright when he's there for her.

But sometimes he disappeared silently.

Just like a star.

'I don't know how he opened my cold heart, but I feel like it won't last long. He will break my heart, just like those people before.'

It is not wrong if she try, but she feels like it's better not trying.

'Is it okay if I just like him like this forever?'

God, please help her!

'Oh, I've been lying to myself!'

'I thought I'm okay ignoring my feelings for him.'

'But, it is really useless!'

Without she realize, She keeps gripping her hand, trying to hold her heart so it never falls.

'It was useless! Really!'

God, please help her. She's denying her own desire.

Good night.

'Good night, my heart.'

'Always have a sweet dream...'

She hope that her heart will never falls again.

She's going insane.

hey, i'm currently thinking of doing something bad. what to do? (-__-)

What is it you want to do? Depends on the situation and the stuff you want to do I might or might not support you~

Steal someone's bf...

NO. A BIG RED CAPITAL LETTER NO. Wait, it's that heartbreaker guy? I TOLD YOU TO JUST FORGET THAT DAMN GUY ALREADY!!! D:<

yeah, it's that heart breaker guy. he's not damn, he's nice. i've been trying hard to forget but i can't. the more i want to forget, the more it comes to me. *sigh*

I KNEW IT!!!! And who cares if he's nice or what? I don't know him duh. Seriously...are you out of your mind? You're a rational person (most of the time that is) and kind too..I don't think you actually have it in you to break other people's relationships..unless the couple are not doing good by themselves than it might be a different story altogether. Are they fighting or something? Do you actually know the girl?

No. They r good. I dunno his girl. And I didn't do anything yet, just thinking. Yeah I know that's wrong, really. I think I have to go somewhere far from this town for self-reflection... ='(

DON'T YOU EVEN DARE THINKING ABOUT IT!!!! *sigh* Don't push yourself too hard..it must be hard because you must have really like the heartbreaker (Tsk.) so really..take your time. Don't think about it that often and try look at things in a ...different angle. Hell, you're smarter than me you must know how to do stuffs duh! I'm always here whenever you want to talk. You know that damn right.

Yeah, she's going insane. 

A song for him.

'He is beautiful, for me.'

'I love the way he indulge himself in his hobby.'

'I love his silence.'

'I love his cool face.'

'I love his round eyes.'

Yet, knowing that he already loves somebody else, she feels weirdly lonely, and far from him.

____________________________________________________________________

She don't want to create any problem.

So she will let her feelings for him sleep inside her small place called heart.

She have found some ways to make her heart feel content.

____________________________________________________________________

It is sunny Thursday.

Yet the air is cold.

The sand storm that approaches last week has already disappeared.

She don't have anything to do. 

She keeps thinking about that person.

"Huh.." *sighing*

She takes the guitar near the wall.

She sits, close her eyes, thinking for the chord, and start to play a song...

Falling.

'I saw myself falling...'

'I hope for somebody to try to catch me, but here I see myself kept falling.'

Heart falls.

She can't find a way to change.

It's because she cannot hear her own heart.

Her heart fell into a place somewhere very deep, cold, and darker than black.

______________________________________________________________________________

She found something that turns her heart down.

Her tears fall again and again.

'Maybe start from this point, I will never let my heart yearning from something anymore.'

It is because she will never get what her heart wants.

'Now i don't find any reason for me to move on.'

'Let me stay like this until there is a time that someone will pick me up to move on.'

Who Knows.

'How do you feel, of having every person you love, loving somebody else?'

It's hard to pretend that she's alright.

'You should have seen through me. You already got the chances for a few times.'

She exposed herself too much, yet the person still don't understand her.

"Loving a person doesn't mean that you have to live with her/him."


'I'm stupid. For not being able to express my feelings.'

She wants to take some sleep now.

Her sleeping time also being disturbed sometimes.

Still, she waits for the email reply from him.

How much she missed him, who knows...

Hold Your Heart Tight.

'Dear stars' Creator,

Please fulfill my wish.

Dear Earth's Creator,

Please grant my parents Your Heaven.'

****

Will she be able to control the wilderness of her 'inner side'?

Will she be able to control her loneliness?

****

She : How father's doing?

Mother : He's just like always. But now seldom talking to me. 

She : I see.

Mother : He's doing small business with his wife.

'Mother, please, don't cry in your heart. Even though i'm far from you, i never forget every pain you've been through.'

Weirdly lonely.

Her mind got disturbed. It is not something unusual but, tonight, it is a little bit weird.

Yeah.

She might think too much about him.

'Sigh'

'I should stop thinking too much.' That's what she thinks.

The night outside is very cold until reaching deep inside her heart.

'If there is something that can warm my heart, i will let it cold.'

________________________________________________________________________

She fight to the end.

But still, the fate not belongs to her.

She's weirdly lonely.

'......'

Who's him?

'I can't find enough time even to breath.'

'This new semester is already starting and new faces approaching.'

She already knew this would happen.

She's half ready for this.

Somehow she feels the emptiness in her heart.

'There's sometimes that my heart beats faster than usual.'

There are times like that.

One of the time was when he is near to her.

Who's him?

Crash!

The world is not beautiful, therefore it is.

'This time, there will be no regrets.'

'I have someone to hold my back.'

'I don't have to act spoiled, as I am a spoiled child.'

'There will always be someone who waits for me.'

The world is not ugly enough for everyone to hate you.

The world is not beautiful enough for you being loved by everyone.

'That's how I hold my heart firmly.'

"As you step on it, there's no turning back," said mother.

"Yes, I know that well, oka-sama"

The world is not beautiful, therefore it is.

Ah, What a Mess!

'It was hard.'

'It is not easy of course.'

'Why do I feel like this?'

'This annoying feelings, why do they exist?'

'It's creepy, and funny.'

But she has a bigger secret inside her. It's like there is a scary creature that sleeps inside her.

'It is like my second personality.'

'But I'm afraid of it. It is too different from who I am now.'

Yet she doesn't give in to her "second personality".

___________________________________________________________________________

She wakes up early in the morning.

She walks lazily to the bathroom.

A familiar voice come out from the kitchen, calling for her.

'Ah, not today too...'

She really don't want to do it today.

But she knows that she's still have to do it anyway.

'Ah, what a mess!'

She never wants to remember, yet she never wants to forget.

'I never want to regret the decisions that I've made...'

'It was because I had already wasting most of my precious time.'

'I hurt someone's feelings, and my feelings also have been hurt by someone.'

'That is why, I never want to look back for the fault that I've done.'

'And I will enjoy every second with my precious peoples around me.'

'That's what I want to do, at least for now.'

She never lies to herself.

That is the very least that she can do to herself.

She never wants to remember, yet she never wants to forget.

She closes her diary, keep it below the pillow, and then walk out of the room.

She have to prepare. Tomorrow will be a big day, she will do her very best, for her own sake.

It's like a dream.

She feels like her head is spinning unstoppable.

'What to do?  What to do?'

It's like she cannot do anything because there's too much things to do.

And the dateline is crawling near.

____________________________________________________________________________

She's now in her mother's new house.

A very small house of one room, a bathroom, and the kitchen and the front attached together. Her mother's dream house.

It is located at the countryside, far from the big, federal city.

It is somehow very peaceful to get away from the hassles here.

She feels better for her mother to be happy living in her village.

She feels happy, as seeing her mother happy.

It's like a dream.

A gift from God.

She's getting nervous these past few days.

It was because the result for the first year will be send through email any time from now.

The nervous feelings really got her through some changes.

She can't sleep well, eat well. And she does getting some flu.

All that she can do is praying.

___________________________________________________________________________

It is late night now.

She's still in front of her laptop, searching for some amusements.

BUZZ!

T : Hey, congrats! :)

She : For what?

T : You got excellent results.

She : How do you know that? You already got the email?

T : Yes. Why? You still didn't got that yet? I'll forward to you now.

She : Oh, okay, please. Thanks!

She got that email. She read through the list carefully.

And yeah, her tears flowed unconsciously.

"I guess I deserved this gift from God, didn't I?"

Everybody's changing, why not me?

She wakes up in the middle of the night.

She is thinking for a while.

She forgot something.

She sit on the bed, thinking again.

____________________________________________________________

She's texting her ex-boyfriend (also her best friend).

She detects something weird about him.

He's changing.

Maybe because of her.

Maybe not.

"Everybody's changing, why not me?"

Only her.

Whenever she thinks about her past, she'll shedding tears.

She has been longing to have someone that never lied to her. So that she also will not lying to that someone.

It somehow appears that she's still searching for that someone.

_____________________________________________________________________________


"Someone said that your outside looks that you're not a good girl."

"Who said that?" She asked.

"The girl next to your room."

"I see. It's because she didn't now my true self. She's judging me by my outside appearance. She's not matured yet, I guess." She made a guess.

Her friend just laughs.

It's not very funny, for her. It seems to be true. The person who judges someone else is not matured. Even God didn't judge His slave before The Judgement Day.

She just smile, much to her own amusement.

______________________________________________________________________________


It's midnight now. She's looking at the half moon from the window.

"There's only two days left.."

She really misses her mother too much.

Only her.