Friday, December 31, 2010

Good night.

'Good night, my heart.'

'Always have a sweet dream...'

She hope that her heart will never falls again.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

She's going insane.

hey, i'm currently thinking of doing something bad. what to do? (-__-)

What is it you want to do? Depends on the situation and the stuff you want to do I might or might not support you~

Steal someone's bf...

NO. A BIG RED CAPITAL LETTER NO. Wait, it's that heartbreaker guy? I TOLD YOU TO JUST FORGET THAT DAMN GUY ALREADY!!! D:<

yeah, it's that heart breaker guy. he's not damn, he's nice. i've been trying hard to forget but i can't. the more i want to forget, the more it comes to me. *sigh*

I KNEW IT!!!! And who cares if he's nice or what? I don't know him duh. Seriously...are you out of your mind? You're a rational person (most of the time that is) and kind too..I don't think you actually have it in you to break other people's relationships..unless the couple are not doing good by themselves than it might be a different story altogether. Are they fighting or something? Do you actually know the girl?

No. They r good. I dunno his girl. And I didn't do anything yet, just thinking. Yeah I know that's wrong, really. I think I have to go somewhere far from this town for self-reflection... ='(

DON'T YOU EVEN DARE THINKING ABOUT IT!!!! *sigh* Don't push yourself too hard..it must be hard because you must have really like the heartbreaker (Tsk.) so really..take your time. Don't think about it that often and try look at things in a ...different angle. Hell, you're smarter than me you must know how to do stuffs duh! I'm always here whenever you want to talk. You know that damn right.

Yeah, she's going insane. 

Thursday, December 16, 2010

A song for him.

'He is beautiful, for me.'

'I love the way he indulge himself in his hobby.'

'I love his silence.'

'I love his cool face.'

'I love his round eyes.'

Yet, knowing that he already loves somebody else, she feels weirdly lonely, and far from him.

____________________________________________________________________

She don't want to create any problem.

So she will let her feelings for him sleep inside her small place called heart.

She have found some ways to make her heart feel content.

____________________________________________________________________

It is sunny Thursday.

Yet the air is cold.

The sand storm that approaches last week has already disappeared.

She don't have anything to do. 

She keeps thinking about that person.

"Huh.." *sighing*

She takes the guitar near the wall.

She sits, close her eyes, thinking for the chord, and start to play a song...


Monday, December 13, 2010

Falling.

'I saw myself falling...'

'I hope for somebody to try to catch me, but here I see myself kept falling.'

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Heart falls.

She can't find a way to change.

It's because she cannot hear her own heart.

Her heart fell into a place somewhere very deep, cold, and darker than black.

______________________________________________________________________________

She found something that turns her heart down.

Her tears fall again and again.

'Maybe start from this point, I will never let my heart yearning from something anymore.'

It is because she will never get what her heart wants.

'Now i don't find any reason for me to move on.'

'Let me stay like this until there is a time that someone will pick me up to move on.'

Monday, December 6, 2010

Who Knows.

'How do you feel, of having every person you love, loving somebody else?'

It's hard to pretend that she's alright.

'You should have seen through me. You already got the chances for a few times.'

She exposed herself too much, yet the person still don't understand her.

"Loving a person doesn't mean that you have to live with her/him."


'I'm stupid. For not being able to express my feelings.'

She wants to take some sleep now.

Her sleeping time also being disturbed sometimes.

Still, she waits for the email reply from him.

How much she missed him, who knows...

Monday, November 29, 2010

Hold Your Heart Tight.

'Dear stars' Creator,

Please fulfill my wish.

Dear Earth's Creator,

Please grant my parents Your Heaven.'

****

Will she be able to control the wilderness of her 'inner side'?

Will she be able to control her loneliness?

****

She : How father's doing?
Mother : He's just like always. But now seldom talking to me. 
She : I see.
Mother : He's doing small business with his wife.

'Mother, please, don't cry in your heart. Even though i'm far from you, i never forget every pain you've been through.'

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Weirdly lonely.

Her mind got disturbed. It is not something unusual but, tonight, it is a little bit weird.

Yeah.

She might think too much about him.

'Sigh'

'I should stop thinking too much.' That's what she thinks.

The night outside is very cold until reaching deep inside her heart.

'If there is something that can warm my heart, i will let it cold.'

________________________________________________________________________

She fight to the end.

But still, the fate not belongs to her.

She's weirdly lonely.

'......'

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Who's him?

'I can't find enough time even to breath.'

'This new semester is already starting and new faces approaching.'

She already knew this would happen.

She's half ready for this.

Somehow she feels the emptiness in her heart.

'There's sometimes that my heart beats faster than usual.'

There are times like that.

One of the time was when he is near to her.

Who's him?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The world is not beautiful, therefore it is.

'This time, there will be no regrets.'

'I have someone to hold my back.'

'I don't have to act spoiled, as I am a spoiled child.'

'There will always be someone who waits for me.'

The world is not ugly enough for everyone to hate you.

The world is not beautiful enough for you being loved by everyone.

'That's how I hold my heart firmly.'

"As you step on it, there's no turning back," said mother.

"Yes, I know that well, oka-sama"

The world is not beautiful, therefore it is.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Ah, What a Mess!

'It was hard.'

'It is not easy of course.'

'Why do I feel like this?'

'This annoying feelings, why do they exist?'

'It's creepy, and funny.'

But she has a bigger secret inside her. It's like there is a scary creature that sleeps inside her.

'It is like my second personality.'

'But I'm afraid of it. It is too different from who I am now.'

Yet she doesn't give in to her "second personality".

___________________________________________________________________________

She wakes up early in the morning.

She walks lazily to the bathroom.

A familiar voice come out from the kitchen, calling for her.

'Ah, not today too...'

She really don't want to do it today.

But she knows that she's still have to do it anyway.

'Ah, what a mess!'

Saturday, August 7, 2010

She never wants to remember, yet she never wants to forget.

'I never want to regret the decisions that I've made...'

'It was because I had already wasting most of my precious time.'

'I hurt someone's feelings, and my feelings also have been hurt by someone.'

'That is why, I never want to look back for the fault that I've done.'

'And I will enjoy every second with my precious peoples around me.'

'That's what I want to do, at least for now.'

She never lies to herself.

That is the very least that she can do to herself.

She never wants to remember, yet she never wants to forget.

She closes her diary, keep it below the pillow, and then walk out of the room.

She have to prepare. Tomorrow will be a big day, she will do her very best, for her own sake.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

It's like a dream.

She feels like her head is spinning unstoppable.

'What to do?  What to do?'

It's like she cannot do anything because there's too much things to do.

And the dateline is crawling near.

____________________________________________________________________________

She's now in her mother's new house.

A very small house of one room, a bathroom, and the kitchen and the front attached together. Her mother's dream house.

It is located at the countryside, far from the big, federal city.

It is somehow very peaceful to get away from the hassles here.

She feels better for her mother to be happy living in her village.

She feels happy, as seeing her mother happy.

It's like a dream.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

A gift from God.

She's getting nervous these past few days.

It was because the result for the first year will be send through email any time from now.

The nervous feelings really got her through some changes.

She can't sleep well, eat well. And she does getting some flu.

All that she can do is praying.

___________________________________________________________________________

It is late night now.

She's still in front of her laptop, searching for some amusements.

BUZZ!

T : Hey, congrats! :)

She : For what?

T : You got excellent results.

She : How do you know that? You already got the email?

T : Yes. Why? You still didn't got that yet? I'll forward to you now.

She : Oh, okay, please. Thanks!

She got that email. She read through the list carefully.

And yeah, her tears flowed unconsciously.

"I guess I deserved this gift from God, didn't I?"

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Everybody's changing, why not me?

She wakes up in the middle of the night.

She is thinking for a while.

She forgot something.

She sit on the bed, thinking again.

____________________________________________________________

She's texting her ex-boyfriend (also her best friend).

She detects something weird about him.

He's changing.

Maybe because of her.

Maybe not.

"Everybody's changing, why not me?"

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Only her.




Whenever she thinks about her past, she'll shedding tears.

She has been longing to have someone that never lied to her. So that she also will not lying to that someone.

It somehow appears that she's still searching for that someone.

_____________________________________________________________________________


"Someone said that your outside looks that you're not a good girl."

"Who said that?" She asked.

"The girl next to your room."

"I see. It's because she didn't now my true self. She's judging me by my outside appearance. She's not matured yet, I guess." She made a guess.

Her friend just laughs.

It's not very funny, for her. It seems to be true. The person who judges someone else is not matured. Even God didn't judge His slave before The Judgement Day.

She just smile, much to her own amusement.

______________________________________________________________________________


It's midnight now. She's looking at the half moon from the window.

"There's only two days left.."

She really misses her mother too much.

Only her.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Let's finish this last paper so that i can meet the end of this season.

She wakes up early this in the morning. It feels like today will be the good day.

She takes some bath, had a usual breakfast, toast bread with chocolate jam - she really loves chocolate anyway.

She's now thinking about her motherland. The flight date to go back to her homeland is nearer.

"Well, let's finish this one so that i'll not regret anything anymore."

She imagining about her mother. Her warm smile when greet her at the airport.

That's how she misses her beloved mother.

"Let's finish this last paper so that i can meet the end of this season."

Saturday, June 19, 2010

I really hope that this bus will never have to stop.

He appears into her dream again.

This time, it's kind of weird.

But still, his presence lingers in her mind.

She give up.

"Yeah, come, come into my dream again. Please haunt me, if that's make you feel satisfied."

____________________________________________________________


She ride the bus.

It's a very long journey.

This bus travels through almost the whole town.

"I wonder, will it be good if the bus didn't have to stop?"

She's wondering herself.

It's very long journey. Even though it only takes almost only one hour of the journey.

She thinks a lot in that short period of time.

The bus stopped at the end of the station.

She sighed, and walk out of the bus.

"I really hope that this bus will never have to stop."

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I hate you, but i love you.

Her life is always being miserable. That's what she think, at least.

Anything that happened to her, she remembers it.

She remembered them, she remembered her.

She remembered him.

"It's hard to let go of you..."

"But, if forgetting you is forbidden, why don't you just stay nicely in my mind, and not smiling brightly in my dreams?"

It hurts me like dying.

She remembers everything about him.

"I hate you, but i love you."

Monday, June 14, 2010

I won't meet you again.

As she closed the door, her phone rings.

She pick up.

"Hey, what's up? What's with the message?"

"Nothing. I just want to tell you that", she replied.

"You didn't tell me anything. You just send me you're feeling nervous"

"Then, that's all."

"Really, i don't understand you."

"Then don't."

__________________________________________________________________


There's another phone call, just after she finished taking her bath.

She just look at the phone. Letting it ringing loudly.

It stops, a minute later.

She get the phone.

1 Missed Call. 1 New Message.

She read the message. Then throws the phone on the bed.

"I won't meet you again."

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Arrogant, ne?

The sun shines brightly.

She did not pay any attention to it.

She pulls her sight outside the hall. There's nothing can calms her heart right now.

She looks back at the Physics question paper. Her mind blank.

Three minutes later, she packs up her stationary, stands up and walks to the front of the exam hall.

She leaves, with regrets.


_____________________________________________________________________


She pull herself back on the bed.

Her eyes on the ceiling. She's thinking for a while.

Then her eyes closed.

"Arrogant, ne?"

Saturday, June 12, 2010

How am i suppose to do to forget you?



She wakes up abruptly. It's that dream again. 


It's him. The man came in her dream again. 


That man haunts her again with his charming, unforgettable smile.


It's 2.34 am. It's cold outside. 


She wakes up, turning off the fan. 


Even though it's cold tonight, but she's already sweating. 


"Maybe it's because of that dream..."


She looks through the window. There's no moon, no stars.


She sighs.


"How am i suppose to do to forget you?"

She really doesn't have the will to do it.

The air is hot.

The physics papers scrambled on the table.

She sit still. The pencil in her hand froze. She really ignore completely the physics paper in front of her.

The milk in the mug is already finished.

She stands up, taking the mug, and walks out of the room.

She really doesn't have the will to do it.